Split

I told myself so many times
That I should  go
That this was not for me

I told myself so many times
That all I wanted was happiness
But the problem is, I told myself those things just to try and convince myself of it.

I had been telling myself those things for months when I realized it

Now. My heart is split. Divided in two parts that pull me to opposite directions.

And I know that I can't chose both

I've tried so many times before, but maybe, maybe this is the one time I succeed and I can get away from this thoughts

Maybe I can see myself getting happiness

Finally
I'm optimistic for once

So nice

Everybody is nice
I truly believe so, I think that they are genuine
That they really care

But anyway even if they care, at the end of the day I'm only a number doing numbers.
And the only thing that really matters at the end of the day is how many numbers this little number made.

I could break with it. Maybe I should.
I could get out of the game and live like an hermit forever, It was one of my dreams after all.

Any way it doesn't matter now because the palms of my hands are hurting, like I had a nail through them.
And I know what it means.

It's the same feeling that I always had whenever I decided to sacrifice a part of me for the wellbeing/comfort of the people that I care about.
It's the feeling of putting others before me.
What can I do?
I'm a desperate romantic; and the problem with us desperate romantics is that we always do that.

No matter what